Eva Mendes is a mom finding her way, just like any other.
Growing up in a Latino household, the actress has been candid about her relationship with her mother and how it has shaped her relationship with her children. The mother of two got vulnerable on “Parenting & You With Dr. Shefali,” where she shared how she’s breaking generational patterns she learned from her own family.
“It’s so interesting because when I was in my twenties, I for sure said, ‘I’m not going to be anything like my parents,'” she shared. “Another shock is how much I am like my mother. I adore her and she’s on a pedestal, but my household when I was little was very chaotic, a lot of screaming. Even though I had a loving family it was so chaotic.”
Eva Mendes opened up about how difficult motherhood can be for Latinas
Unfortunately, Latinas often face generational trauma that transcends to their children. Additionally, as noted by the “Super Mamás” podcast, Latinas face unrealistic expectations for motherhood. In many households, mothers are expected to work, take care of children, the home, and their husbands. As Mendes notes, her own childhood deeply affected her upbringing, and her mother’s own trauma was palpable, noting she raised them with “fear.”
Mendes also shared feeling guilty as a daughter for her mother’s trauma. Especially since her mom was a single parent.
“My mom had a very difficult childhood. The way I used to feel was ‘well, I didn’t go through what she went through, so I have no right to feel this way. That’s real trauma, not what I have.”
Still, she’s looking to change the narrative with her own children.
“I really don’t want to raise my kids with fear,” she shared. “I hope I don’t look back in 20 years and regret it because it’s so unfair to them.”
Mendes describes how she’s “become” her mother, especially when yelling
The actress and now author reached out to Dr. Shefali with a big “SOS” when she realized she was acting “exactly” like her mother. When asked what patterns of behavior she sees mirrored, admitting to yelling to her daughters with Ryan Gosling, Amada and Esmeralda.
“One of the hardest patterns for me is yelling. I don’t yell when they ‘need me’ or I’ve never yelled like ‘shut up,'” she admitted. “In my mind it’s not a mean yell. But it doesn’t matter, I yell, and it’s yelling I find so cultural, but I’m having a hard time getting through and not yelling. The rushing and the yelling is the hard thing for me.”
Opening up about this behavior, Mendes opens a space for many Latinas who share this guilt in knowing that while these behaviors can leave us feeling remorseful, we can change the narrative.
Authoring “Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worries” as a form of healing
Along her motherhood journey, one of the important aspects Mendes embraced was sharing her experience with others.
“As I’ve been promoting my kids book, I see it as sharing. This is what’s worked for me in this category. But if any mom has any advice, wherever I can get it from any parent on how I can get my 8-year-old to sleep on her own bed the whole night, I’ll take it. They’re tools,” she shared.
Her debut children’s book, “Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worries” is a story focusing on the bedtime struggle. Pulling from her own experiences as a mom, this fun and informative story shares how mother and daughter work together to squash anxious thoughts away. One thing is for sure, Mendes is helping all moms feel a lot less alone.