As the Los Angeles Palisades and Eaton fires continue ravaging the city, many families have lost their homes. The situation is exceptionally challenging for adults but also for children who may not know how to process what is happening.

If you’re having trouble speaking to your kids during these challenging moments, Allison LaTona at BABYGROUP has shared tips on discussing what is happening and the road forward.

“Young children won’t understand the full impact of what is happening or what the immediate future will mean,” LaTona shares. “They live in the moment and need to be re-directed to activities where they can take a break from the reality around them as well as lots of reassurance and connection with you.”

Refrain from talking about fires or having the news on around young children

LaTona’s first tip is to keep children away from the news and the television.

“I know this is going to be one of the hardest things you will do as you are also dealing with your own feelings of loss, and continuing to cope with the fear you felt when trying to get to your kids from work/pick them up from school, or possibly being trapped on the road trying to escape the flames,” she explains. “I know that sense of panic you are feeling right now.  Do your best to set it aside and create the coziest space you can for you, and your children.”

Additionally, LaTona recommends telling children what is happening in a story format, as if it were a book or coming from a teacher. Here’s a prompt she recommends using:

“Sometimes we get a rain storm, or a snow storm, and this time, there is a firestorm. There are helpers called firefighters who help people stay safe by taking them to a safe space where there is no fire…like where we are now…there is no fire here and we are in a safe space together.”  

You can also add, “The firefighters help mommies and daddies get to their children so they can all be together again. The firefighters spray lots and lots of water on the fire to make it go away. This can take a very long time but the firefighters are strong and brave, and they know how to do this to keep everyone safe.”

Include emotional tones such as “It is very sad….(pause)….but sometimes the fire does burn the grass……and the trees…..and the houses…..and we can’t go back to that house again.” If you or your children begin crying, it is okay to let them comfort you and to comfort them.

Provide reassurance

Although children may not know exactly what is going on, it’s normal for them to feel scared. One way to comfort them is by providing reassurance. LaTona recommends being honest, keeping sentences short, holding them, being repetitive, and using the word “safe” often.

You can use this prompt as an example when providing reassurance:

“Sometimes mommy/daddy burns the toast and it leaves a bad smell in the air…that is what is happening outside. Some things got burned and so it is making lots of smoke, and dust in the air, and it smells bad. We need to stay inside today to protect our bodies and keep our bodies safe from the smokey air and dust. We are safe. And also, “We will be able to go outside again soon.”  

Acknowledge people helping in the community

Help your children feel safe by letting them know there’s help around them. One way to do this is by acknowledging helpers. From helicopters to sirens, make sure you explain to them what is going on. For example, “Those are helicopters dumping water on the things that are burning,” or “Those are the firefighters driving to the burning places so they can spray water.”

Engage children in activities to keep them distracted

If you ever built a fort as a child, this is the time to do so again! LaTona shares that these kinds of containment helps children feel safe.

This is also a good time to engage them in arts and crafts, without making it overly complicated. Painting, coloring, gluing, cutting, and other activities that keep children an outlet to release anxiety and worrying. You can also have them paint so they can process feeling scared without judgement. Another great activity is to watch movies or clips of the family having a good time, so they can remember happy memories.

For families with children of diverse ages, have older children help you in making the little ones feel safe. This can help them feel included and empowered.