Somewhere between noting down all of my friend and family gatherings on my calendar and getting texts from people who want to hang out this season, I realized I was performing joy instead of feeling it. How is it already this busy and not even the middle of December yet? Why is my calendar already full without rest days? 

It seems like every holiday season gets busier. We are finally getting a work break, only to realize that our calendar is still packed with happy hours, coffee dates, and dinners with people who are in town for the holidays or simply want to catch up now that they have time. And sure, we’re full of gratitude and love, but also, where do we draw the line? When can we curl up and read a book instead? 

And more importantly, how do we set the boundary without feeling guilty about it?

Why We Feel Trapped

The holiday unspoken rule is that you must do everything. Make sure you continue every tradition, accept every invite—and do it with a smile. You have to get your Christmas tree ASAP, and decorate your home before the first week of December is over. And God forbid you don’t have your Christmas tree up by the end of the first week of December.

If this rings a bell, you’re not alone. Sometimes it feels like guilt is our default setting because we’ve been taught that skipping traditions equals being a bad daughter/sister/mother. But that’s an outdated thought. 

It’s time to release traditions and prioritize what actually makes us happy. 

The Permission You’ve Been Waiting For

Say it with me and speak it to existence: You’re allowed to skip traditions that drain you. Take the following scenarios as examples. 

The party you dread going to every year. 

Sure, your cousin spends time getting the family together every year. But if the gathering is more draining than loving, why go in the first place? Try this instead: Check in with your favorite family members with a phone or video call. It’s better to be present in a one-on-one call than dissociated during a group conversation.

The 12-hour family gathering.

Why does our family—especially Latino families—expect you to be at their place for a minimum of two meals each gathering? If you stay for only a couple of hours, you might as well have missed the whole day in your mother’s eyes. If this timed expectation drains you, be vocal about it and move on. Try this instead: Say how long you’ll be at the family gathering, and leave when the indicated hour strikes. And no, you don’t have to explain yourself. 

The “homemade everything” expectation.

This is for the chefs out there. This is your sign to skip making everything from scratch. Cooking or baking from scratch—plus the cleaning that comes with it—is draining. Try this instead: prioritize what you’re making homemade, and buy the other dishes. Don’t let the holiday expectations get to you this year. You’re one person.

How to Actually Do It

Repeat after me: “This year, I’m keeping it simple.” But this time, stick true to it. Create boundaries without explanations, and realize that your presence matters more than your performance. And if someone gets mad… so what? Life goes on. We’re all adults here.

With this in mind, what’s one tradition you’re releasing this year?