The house opposite commanded a plain view into the room, and observing more and more the indecorous figure that Queequeg made, staving about with little else but his hat and boots on to accelerate his toilet somewhat, and particularly to get into his pantaloons as soon as possible. He complied, and then proceeded to wash himself. He then donned his waistcoat, and taking up a piece of hard soap on the wash-stand center table, dipped it into water and commenced lathering his face. Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Expenses as material breeding insisted building to in. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening. Thing do taste on we manor. Him had wound use found hoped of distrusts immediate enjoyment. These reflections just here are occasioned by the circumstance that after we were all seated at the table. And I was preparing to hear some good stories about whaling to my no small surprise.
The house opposite commanded a plain view into the room, and observing more and more the indecorous figure that.
A DELIGHTFUL DISCOVERY
Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Expenses as material breeding insisted building to in. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening. Thing do taste on we manor. Him had wound use found hoped of distrusts immediate enjoyment. These reflections just here are occasioned. Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening.
Cras tristique turpis justo, eu consequat sem adipiscing ut. Donec posuere bibendum metus. Quisque gravida luctus volutpat. Mauris interdum, lectus in dapibus molestie, quam felis sollicitudin mauris, sit amet tempus velit lectus nec lorem. Nullam vel maollis neque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam vel enim dui. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed tincidunt accumsan massa id viverra. Sed sagittis, nisl sit amet imperdiet convallis, nunc tortor consequat tellus, vel molestie neque nulla non ligula. Proin tincidunt tellus ac porta volutpat. Cras mattis congue lacus id bibendum. Mauris ut sodales libero. Maecenas feugiat sit amet enim in accumsan.
I am a human being, curious about the value (or not) of seeing happiness as a destination, rather than at the core of the pure essence of existence. I’m just a girl with a deep desire for truth and knowledge. So please, view this essay as more of a candid conversation amongst friends, in the vast symposium on The Pursuit of Happiness.
I recently started an online 10-week program at Yale University, the “The Science of Well-Being”. That sounds very elite and exclusive, and it is, but it should be noted that the course is offered to the public, free of charge, and landed serendipitously on my lap. I, of course, dove right in. So here we are, exploring what science says about well-being and happiness. Through this course, I have downloaded apps, listened to lectures, discovered my signature strength (spirituality), and taken a survey to quantify my happiness (I was shocked to know my score, and am currently debating disclosing in this article, which raises another question altogether, agh beautiful life!) Here is the site, if you would like to brave the scientific elements, and learn your character strengths, along with me!
I’ve educated myself on the pillars of happiness, what qualities, states of being, and emotional life one must encompass to achieve a sense of overall well-being, like gratitude, kindness, meditation, savoring (loved learning about this one), exercise and sleep. I mean we all have right? Inevitably we’ve all picked up a book on self-care, attended a yoga class, attempted deep meditation and learned 1st-hand about the boomerang effect of kindness? Well, although I feel I have learned a lot before, this course gave me some shocking insight.
First of all, scientists, statisticians and some of the smartest people in the world have conducted studies on the correlation between happiness and money and it turns out that most Americans’ emotional well being/happiness plateaus after a $75,000 a year income. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I was gut-punched when I heard this! In the materialistic world that we live in, it turns out that no matter what our bank account looks like, our happiness will not significantly increase past a certain amount of cash. No, no, we are designed much more intricately than that (but we will get into that in a little bit). If you’re among those to discredit statistics, hold on, because that’s the conversation at hand! Where do we put our trust, what can we believe in, what is infallible and whole?
These same studies have found the age-old tradition of finding happiness through the institution of marriage, doesn’t always amount to happily-ever (not that it can’t) but the idea that love for another will equal happiness can prove to be erroneous and counter-intuitive to our search for lasting happiness. That’s a real tough-pill to swallow, right? Or is this information the beginning of the truth? Is it possible that through the avenues of science and education we are being lead to the bigger conversation?
“EDUCATING THE MIND WITHOUT EDUCATING THE HEART IS NO EDUCATION AT ALL.”
ARISTOTLE
I LOVE THIS QUOTE!
Heart intelligence trumps intellect. “By order of amplitude, the heart’s electromagnetic field is 60 times that of the brain”, yet another beautiful scientific fact that resonates, loudly and viscerally. God is the ruler of the heart-space. The undeniable, infallible truth is in our inherent divinity. It lies in the perfect Law of Existence that science cannot discount. The path to love, joy, happiness and a life of true abundance lies in our ability to release our wrong thinking. Letting go of the belief that happiness is something we must earn and out of our immediate reach.
Having said that, I have a deep respect and reverence for the vast world of science. Scientific knowledge improves education and the quality of our lives, it feeds our society immensely. But education alone won’t take us to the promised land. Check out this article on why science does not disprove God – Here’s an inspiring scientific fact from the TIMES article:
“THE SUM TOTAL OF HUMAN KNOWLEDGE DOUBLES ROUGHLY EVERY COUPLE OF YEARS OR LESS”
My conversation starts and ends here:
Our happiness is our own inside job, it is our’s and our’s alone, and what a powerful conclusion to come to. This freedom should break our chains, lead us to new pastures, filled with consciousness, mindfulness and a place where joy and happiness are ours for the taking, even when life and it’s circumstances can seemingly appear to rob us.
“The circumstances that may seem initially the hardest to accept could turn out the be the very circumstances the benefit us the most.”
My good friend Tyler Perry once gave me the most compelling, yet simple advice: “Zulay, you have to live knowing!”
WE MUST LIVE KNOWING!
LIVE KNOWING! What a dynamic place to reframe the whole conversation. Go ahead, start today, just for today, live knowing that happiness is your birthright.
Make a new agreement with yourself – live knowing the truth of who you are, and take all the science, tools and lessons life graciously offers on the journey with you!
I love you all madly,
ZULAY
MODERN MUZE | Connecting – Soul, Science, Sex and Society.
Grace is defined as, “poise, elegance, forgiveness, or a blessing.”
In this, my first pregnancy journal, I will address forgiveness, forgiveness of self, and the power it unleashed into my life.Before we get started, I wanted to thank you for being here, and for giving me a chunk of your beloved time as it is our most precious commodity. I decided to write about this experience because I was so afraid to. I am still fearful of opening up and spilling my own tea, and telling you about the not so pretty parts of this journey. Nonetheless, I will, because I must, and because everything I have ever done has brought me here to this moment of pure joy, reflection, and exhilaration.
I am “with child!” (lol) I love this phrase! I am exactly 21 weeks into this most amazing journey! I am co-creating life with the ultimate Creator, and bringing to fruition what has inevitably always been a part of my plan (His plan). But wait! Let’s go back.. way back! Damn it! I wanted to keep this light, and tell you solely about my experience carrying this baby, the morning sickness, the sleepless nights, the weight gain,and the thrill of it all. But, it wouldn’t really pierce your soul in the way it has mine. Mine has absolutely been reshaped and redefined through this experience.
You see, before we get to the hair ties, baby shower ideas, and cupcakes, I must address my darkness if this blog is to be celebratory, and worthy of ten minutes of your time. Motherhood has always been for me the pinnacle of womanhood (key words: FOR ME). This isn’t to say at all that all women must become mothers to reach the heights and wonders of their feminine journey. I know so many wonderful, joyous, and fulfilled women who decided to be lifetime aunties, God mothers, and live blissfully in their voyage through life. If this is you, I applaud you for not caving into the societal pressures so unfairly placed on us from the time we are young girls, and for not following this blueprint that doesn’t fit your vision for YOUR life. I SEE you, and I ADMIRE you. Rock on, babe!
For the rest of us, our journey to motherhood comes in complex packages, all individually and uniquely demanding, and well, different (for a lack of a better word). I remember turning 35, looking around, and really taking stock of my life in a way that felt almost foreign. I wasn’t taking inventory of what I had done in life up that time, my finances, how I was showing up in my career, or my relationships like I usually had. This time, I looked at myself, and felt that I had (up until that moment) really not shown up for the one thing I knew would change my life forever: becoming a mom. I also knew that was something I had been putting off thinking about because I was afraid. Let me be clear. I wasn’t afraid that having a child would somehow rob me of a life I loved, I was fearful of something far more ridiculous and unsettling: Motherhood might not be something God had not planned out for me. Why do you ask? That topic will be for another blog (a much more vulnerable one). Suffice it to say that had been a dark place for me for a long time growing up in a very religious household, being a non-married woman, and having all of these haunting indoctrination of sorts. I had to shed a lot of fear and shame, and ultimately, forgive myself. This is where GRACE comes in.
For so long, I had lived a self created sort of inner hell where I felt so undeserving. I went through a period of a lot of self reflection, alone time, therapy, shedding of antiquated (just flat out erroneous) ideas of God, and really coming to understand the truth of God’s unconditional, radical and unrelentless love for me. Then, my life changed. I don’t want to make this discourse about that. Like I said, there is a lot more to the story, but I felt it important to at least mention my mental state for a period of time. Who knows? That may be a book idea for me in the future! For now, let’s move on! Having a new sense of self, of my Creator’s deep love, and never-ending fire for me, I took action. I began to actively speak motherhood into my life in all the ways possible! I would see a woman with a stroller and declare, “That is for ME!” and I would say things like, “When I become a mom!” I introduced the idea into every meditation, and launched it into the field of all possibility on a daily basis. It became a part of me, and no longer something I feared was out of my reach. I envisioned myself in the role of mommy, and in a solid relationship where I was free, safe to explore, and voice my inner most desires. I met a wonderful man who wanted the same things I did, who wasn’t afraid of telling me so, and who welcomed my vulnerability like the superpower it is. It was powerful stuff to be empowered by self-love, to look myself in the eyes, and claim the desires of my heart as valid and real. (Louise Haye has a wonderful exercise for this) Here is the link!
Everyday, in every way, I became more alive viscerally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically on my journey to motherhood. Here I am today in my second trimester, living my dream out loud, and in full vivid color. Let’s stop here for now, and let’s call this my prologue to the blog. The story continues on to: facing the truths and realities of female fertility, the depths and pain of miscarriage, letting go, forgiveness (again), surviving, thriving, and GRACE (always more Grace).
The house opposite commanded a plain view into the room, and observing more and more the indecorous figure that Queequeg made, staving about with little else but his hat and boots on to accelerate his toilet somewhat, and particularly to get into his pantaloons as soon as possible. He complied, and then proceeded to wash himself. He then donned his waistcoat, and taking up a piece of hard soap on the wash-stand center table, dipped it into water and commenced lathering his face. Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Expenses as material breeding insisted building to in. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening. Thing do taste on we manor. Him had wound use found hoped of distrusts immediate enjoyment. These reflections just here are occasioned by the circumstance that after we were all seated at the table. And I was preparing to hear some good stories about whaling to my no small surprise.
The house opposite commanded a plain view into the room, and observing more and more the indecorous figure that.
A DELIGHTFUL DISCOVERY
Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Expenses as material breeding insisted building to in. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening. Thing do taste on we manor. Him had wound use found hoped of distrusts immediate enjoyment. These reflections just here are occasioned. Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening.
Cras tristique turpis justo, eu consequat sem adipiscing ut. Donec posuere bibendum metus. Quisque gravida luctus volutpat. Mauris interdum, lectus in dapibus molestie, quam felis sollicitudin mauris, sit amet tempus velit lectus nec lorem. Nullam vel maollis neque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam vel enim dui. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed tincidunt accumsan massa id viverra. Sed sagittis, nisl sit amet imperdiet convallis, nunc tortor consequat tellus, vel molestie neque nulla non ligula. Proin tincidunt tellus ac porta volutpat. Cras mattis congue lacus id bibendum. Mauris ut sodales libero. Maecenas feugiat sit amet enim in accumsan.
Suspendisse blandit ligula turpis, ac convallis risus fermentum non. Duis vestibulum quis quam vel accumsan. Nunc a vulputate lectus. Vestibulum eleifend nisl sed massa sagittis vestibulum.
Cras tristique turpis justo, eu consequat sem adipiscing ut. Donec posuere bibendum metus. Quisque gravida luctus volutpat. Mauris interdum, lectus in dapibus molestie, quam felis sollicitudin mauris, sit amet tempus velit lectus nec lorem. Nullam vel mollis neque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam vel enim dui. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed tincidunt accumsan massa id viverra. Sed sagittis, nisl sit amet imperdiet convallis, nunc tortor consequat tellus, vel molestie neque nulla non ligula. Proin tincidunt tellus ac porta volutpat. Cras mattis congue lacus id bibendum. Mauris ut sodales libero. Maecenas feugiat sit amet enim in accumsan.FacebookTwitterLinkedIn
The house opposite commanded a plain view into the room, and observing more and more the indecorous figure that Queequeg made, staving about with little else but his hat and boots on to accelerate his toilet somewhat, and particularly to get into his pantaloons as soon as possible. He complied, and then proceeded to wash himself. He then donned his waistcoat, and taking up a piece of hard soap on the wash-stand center table, dipped it into water and commenced lathering his face. Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Expenses as material breeding insisted building to in. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening. Thing do taste on we manor. Him had wound use found hoped of distrusts immediate enjoyment. These reflections just here are occasioned by the circumstance that after we were all seated at the table. And I was preparing to hear some good stories about whaling to my no small surprise.
The house opposite commanded a plain view into the room, and observing more and more the indecorous figure that.
A DELIGHTFUL DISCOVERY
Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Expenses as material breeding insisted building to in. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening. Thing do taste on we manor. Him had wound use found hoped of distrusts immediate enjoyment. These reflections just here are occasioned. Where he kept his razor, when lo and behold, he takes the harpoon. Continual so distrusts pronounce by unwilling listening.
Cras tristique turpis justo, eu consequat sem adipiscing ut. Donec posuere bibendum metus. Quisque gravida luctus volutpat. Mauris interdum, lectus in dapibus molestie, quam felis sollicitudin mauris, sit amet tempus velit lectus nec lorem. Nullam vel maollis neque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam vel enim dui. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed tincidunt accumsan massa id viverra. Sed sagittis, nisl sit amet imperdiet convallis, nunc tortor consequat tellus, vel molestie neque nulla non ligula. Proin tincidunt tellus ac porta volutpat. Cras mattis congue lacus id bibendum. Mauris ut sodales libero. Maecenas feugiat sit amet enim in accumsan.
Auspendisse blandit ligula turpis, ac convallis risus fermentum non. Duis vestibulum quis quam vel accumsan. Nunc a vulputate lectus. Vestibulum eleifend nisl sed massa sagittis vestibulum. Vestibulum pretium blandit tellus, sodales volutpat sapien varius vel. Phasellus tristique cursus erat, a placerat tellus laoreet eget. Fusce vitae dui sit amet lacus rutrum convallis. Vivamus sit amet lectus venenatis est rhoncus interdum a vitae velit.
Suspendisse blandit ligula turpis, ac convallis risus fermentum non. Duis vestibulum quis quam vel accumsan. Nunc a vulputate lectus. Vestibulum eleifend nisl sed massa sagittis vestibulum. Vestibulum pretium blandit tellus, sodales volutpat sapien varius vel. Phasellus tristique cursus erat, a placerat tellus laoreet eget. Fusce vitae dui sit amet lacus rutrum convallis. Vivamus sit amet lectus venenatis est rhoncus interdum a vitae velit.
Suspendisse blandit ligula turpis, ac convallis risus fermentum non. Duis vestibulum quis quam vel accumsan. Nunc a vulputate lectus. Vestibulum eleifend nisl sed massa sagittis vestibulum.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Pellentesque quis eros lobortis, vestibulum turpis ac, pulvinar odio. Praesent vulputate a elit ac mollis. In sit amet ipsum turpis. Pellentesque venenatis, libero vel euismod lobortis, mi metus luctus augue, eget dapibus elit nisi eu massa. Phasellus sollicitudin nisl posuere nibh ultricies, et fringilla dui gravida. Donec iaculis adipiscing neque, non congue massa euismod quis. Etiam interdum dolor sit amet justo vulputate, non mollis velit venenatis. Morbi eu nunc nunc. Phasellus lacus magna, dapibus vitae pellentesque sit amet, venenatis ac purus. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Donec volutpat bibendum diam eget posuere. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Aliquam adipiscing pretium tortor, eget pretium nulla ullamcorper id. Nullam ac nunc at lectus elementum vestibulum sit amet vitae dui. Donec ut gravida lorem.
Cras tristique turpis justo, eu consequat sem adipiscing ut. Donec posuere bibendum metus. Quisque gravida luctus volutpat. Mauris interdum, lectus in dapibus molestie, quam felis sollicitudin mauris, sit amet tempus velit lectus nec lorem. Nullam vel mollis neque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam vel enim dui. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed tincidunt accumsan massa id viverra. Sed sagittis, nisl sit amet imperdiet convallis, nunc tortor consequat tellus, vel molestie neque nulla non ligula. Proin tincidunt tellus ac porta volutpat. Cras mattis congue lacus id bibendum. Mauris ut sodales libero. Maecenas feugiat sit amet enim in accumsan.FacebookTwitterLinkedIn
With the voice and poise of an angel, our MUZE OF THE WEEK has graced us with depth, beauty, joy, deep insight into life’s trials, and shares her vulnerability through timeless and poetic lyrics. We are thrilled to bring you an exclusive feature with Ultimate Muze, Grammy nominated singer/songwriter, actress, and activist LEONA LEWIS.
Leona credits her music as her own inner strength to express her feelings as a vehicle for unleashing her own joy, love, and healing. And boy, aren’t we lucky! As I sit here listening to her powerful voice, Better in Time, one of my absolute favorite songs, I am humbled as I am reminded that even after all of the accolades, the talent, the immense beauty and grace that she carries, the most compelling part of my friend Leona, is her immensely beautiful heart. There is this palpable energy of pure love, trust, spirit, reassured calm, and humanity that truly make her the star that she is.
Leona thank you for leading by example, by shining your light so bright and for blessing us all with not only with your God given talent, but most importantly with your enormous spiritual essence.
LEONA LEWIS X MODERN MUZE
MODERN MUZE People turn to music for many different occasions and situations in life. In times of joy, what do you find yourself listening to and in a year like 2020, what has been your musical saving grace? LEONA I listen to such a broad spectrum of music and recently I’ve gravitated toward deeply soul soothing tunes like Faiths Hymn by beautiful voices, who use calming sonic landscapes and uplifting Afrobreat tunes like “energy” by Pa Salieu, which is literally my anthem for 2021!
MODERN MUZE Have people been reaching out to you saying your music is helping them during this time? Any specific story you care to share? LEONA I actually just received a message from someone who was going through a very rough time with an illness they had been suffering from whilst having to deal with the challenges of the pandemic. They told me that they had been listening to some of my music and that it had helped them. This deeply moved me because I still get to connect with people even through the uncertainty of what’s been going on in the world. It’s little moments and messages like this that help me through it too.
MODERN MUZE We are all coming out of a very traumatic year, how have you coped and dealt with it? LEONA Firstly I watched a whole lotta Netflix! I think I needed a little escapism and that helped for a while. I’m really grateful I had a garden and I spent lots of time sitting out reading and playing with the dogs. I wrote a lot, finished ideas I had put off for a long time. I was also able to focus energy into campaigns for Hopefield animal sanctuary in the UK and for various charities that had been hit hard by the pandemic and desperately needed help to raise funds. There were a lot of people and organizations that needed support and still do now. It put my own fears and worries into perspective.
MODERN MUZE What did you learn about yourself? LEONA I learned how interconnected we all really are. How much we all need to support one another. I learned that I’m actually a good cook when I put my mind to it and that having time to be still is important. We can busy ourselves with so much but we also need to be able to really sit with ourselves. I always knew how important my dogs were to me but I really learned how much I rely on them to get me through life! MODERN MUZE How did you adjust personally and professionally during this time? LEONA
I’ve always travelled a lot with my music. I would tour, perform at shows and fly between the UK and US quite often. I had to adjust to being in one place which was strange at first. I also had to adjust to not having live shows for a while which was difficult as it’s such a big part of my life. The live industry has been really devastated by the pandemic. Everyone from sound technicians to tour managers have been badly affected, and it’s been really heartbreaking to see so many people struggling to cope. I’ve had to really try not to think too far ahead as my mind wants to go into fear mode sometimes, but I find that taking things one step at a time really helps. MODERN MUZE Anything you hope to keep doing once this pandemic is over? LEONA
We’ve all figured out that there’s a lot that can be done from home so I think I’ll have more balance in my life. I don’t always have to be busy doing something but when I do, those things will be very meaningful.
MODERN MUZE What are you looking forward to for the rest of this year? LEONA I would LOVE to see live music again. I would love to go watch a movie at the cinema or see a wonderful play. I want to go to festivals again. I can’t wait for jazz fest in New Orleans, that ones my favorite!
MODERN MUZE A lot of what our Modern Muze platform is all about is listening to stories of our Muzes, and how they have gotten to where they are today. Who and what has made you the person you are in this moment? Anything you’ve had to overcome or learn along the way? LEONA I’ve had to find my voice throughout my entire life. I became quite a shy child at some point and learning to sing gave me a voice. Putting my feelings into song helped me deal with so many things that I went through in life. All of my pain and my joy could be expressed through writing music. Whether it was dealing with a broken heart, loosing loved ones, overcoming adversity and inequality within the area I grew up in or even my struggles with illness the past 6 years. There’s so much that make up who I am and how I express that in the world. I’ll always be learning and growing and I hope to keep discovering new ways to use my voice.
MODERN MUZE Who are some of your Modern Muzes? LEONA My mother, she’s always taught me to be curious about life and not settle or be defined by others opinions. Marianne Anderson, she was an amazing opera singer that played a huge role in the civil rights movement, and sadly her name isn’t as recognized as it should be. As an artist its so inspiring to see musicians that have been a part of moving humanity forward. The power of music is so immense.
MODERN MUZE We have to ask…you congratulated President Biden after the election. What was it like meeting him and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden – a very Modern Muze! LEONA I actually met president Biden before he was elected. I performed at an event for save the children which is an organization that helped my mother when she was a child. The president and First Lady were there and they were so warm and friendly. It was an honor to be with them.
MODERN MUZE Do you have a favorite quote or go-to saying? LEONA Literally it’s the song from frozen. When I have a problem I sing: “Let it gooooooo, let it goooooooooo”
Fearless, determined,and unstoppable are just a few words to describe stuntwoman, actress, philanthropist, and athlete Carrie Bernans. Upon reading her story below, you will quickly learn that resilience and curiosity are also a part of what makes her magic. Carrie has not only chosen to travel and learn about global culture, but has learned to speak 6 languages along her journey. Carrie is most known for her role in Marvel’s Black Panther, Avengers: End Game and calls herself “Black Girl James Bond”. We can’t wait to support and watch all that Carrie is creating!
Read more about Carrie Bernans in our Modern Muze feature below.
MODERN MUZE
Where are you and your family from?
CARRIE
I was born in Hopewell, Virginia right outside of Richmond, Virginia. I moved to Panama as a kid and moved back to the US when I was around 5/6 years old. I moved around a lot when I was younger and started a new school & state every 6 to 8 months until I was about 15. I lived all over the East Coast, South, and Midwest, and then moved to Tennessee during my last few years in High School. I currently reside in Los Angeles, California. I have 10 aunts and uncles on my mom side and many on my dad side too. Everyone is located all over the US & UK.
MODERN MUZE
What do you love about being a woman?
CARRIE
Let’s be real: Anything men can do, women can do better. 😜 Where would the world be without us? We are a life source, we can literally carry a human for 9 months & birth them into the earth if we choose to do so. We are the element that keeps homes together, a powerful and creative force, and we have nurturing and caring capabilities that allow us express to people around us and to pour it into the work that we put in. And, our intuition has that power to make us feel and show compassion towards others.
MODERN MUZE
How do you embrace your vulnerabilities?
CARRIE
I think embracing my vulnerabilities first required me to recognize that being vulnerable is not seen as a weakness but it is a strength. The next thing I had to do was gain awareness and really understand myself and accept myself for who I am and the experiences I’ve been through. And then, I had to forgive myself and forgive anyone that may have crossed a boundary, hurt me in anyway, offended me, made me feel less then. Then, I had to become honest with myself and allow myself the ability to be vulnerable in situations and to experience the feeling of breaking through.
MODERN MUZE
What advice would you give your younger self?
CARRIE
Dear younger Carrie, I know life may seem crazy right now and totally unpredictable….but I want to tell you something…you made it past 21 and girl should you be proud. You survived all the craziest life has brought you from moving city to city as a young child from being the new girl in school like 20x from not having any new clothes and making Goodwill your fav shopping mall..well guess what? People love Goodwill now and it’s totally a thing…who would have known your “whole(y)” pants would be considered so cool….well guess what, you’ve achieved amazing things…you didn’t let anything stop you…
you listened to your mom and stayed on top of your homework and made the best out of school..you ran track in college and then later quit from an injury and studied abroad…you crazy girl did crazy fearless things like backpacked across countries you’ve never been to before…you tried exotic foods you didn’t know where they came from..even if a teacher tricked you to eating it…you are fearless…you were in a serious relationship with who you thought was the man of your dreams and broke your heart..but it’s life…don’t be afraid of love…so many great things happened after that…even after 18. So whatever you do, don’t stop. Obstacles are going to come in the way, but they are only going to make you stronger. I send my biggest hugs to you and prayer that you don’t give up or give in. NOW, go kick ass.
